Self-care: Am I doing this right?
Self-care is a term that we probably hear pretty often. Stressed? You need to take time for self-care. Overworked? Self-care. Feeling sluggish? Self-care. It seems that so many of our everyday concerns can be solved by practicing, you guessed it, self-care. But what does “self-care” even really mean?
According to Oxford dictionary, self-care is defined as “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.” Historically, most people have assumed that practicing this is the equivalent of taking steps to relax by doing things like taking a long bath, having a glass of wine, watching your favorite tv show, etc. These are all important, make no mistake. However, over time we’ve come to realize that practicing self-care means creating a culture and lifestyle that allows us the time to have a balanced life. Oxford offers a second definition for self-care: “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” This definition is much more in line with the creation of a balanced lifestyle versus activities that can bring us temporary relief from ongoing stressors.
Sometimes, the habits needed to forge a culture of self-care can make us uncomfortable. After all, there’s probably a reason we need self-care in the first place. Maybe we’ve kept agreeing to work over our scheduled time and slowly, but surely, we’ve found ourselves working well over 40 hours (or however many hours you’re expected to work) each and every week. Perhaps you have trouble setting boundaries with others and as a result, end up doing things you really didn’t want to do or simply don’t have the time for. Or maybe you feel that you’ve been putting your own needs and wants on the backburner to help meet everyone else’s needs. If we’re going to meaningfully practice self-care, these things must change. Understandably, making these changes can make us a little uneasy. After all, we’re not only changing our behavior, but ultimately, we’re also changing people’s expectations of us. Some examples of changes that can promote self-care include:
Being assertive and saying “no” when needed
Recognizing environments, situations, and relationships that make us feel overworked, exhausted, and/or emotionally depleted
Setting boundaries with friends or loved ones
Asking for help
Taking a step back
Verbalizing what you need from others
It’s hard to do some of these when we’re not used to it. Independence and hard work are both valued traits in our society. So often we hear people talking about getting after the hustle and working what feels like 24/7. But how is this healthy? Just like anything else, anything in excess can be bad for us and excess work, commitments, and lack of boundaries is no different.
So now what?
Well, now we take the scary step. We learn to allow ourselves to feel empowered and become comfortable with the discomfort of creating changes. Allow others (including your counselor!) the chance to support you. You don’t have to do this alone. Believe in yourself and in your ability to create this life – a life that you deserve. And in the meantime, while you’re making these changes, take a walk. Watch your favorite movie. Spend time with a friend. Exercise. Eat your favorite food. Do the things that bring you even temporary relief from stress while you’re in the process of creating that much-desired life.
What steps will you take to start creating a balanced life that allows you to self-care?
If you’re feeling like you need some extra help with managing your day-to-day stressors and want to talk some more, feel free to reach out. For more information on how to do that, visit the Contact page on our website.
And as always, be kind yourself.
Sincerely,